Who I’m carrying with me as I serve the movement seeking LGBTQ+ affirmation in The United Methodist Church
Letters of Appreciation
As I prepare to attend the 2024 General Conference, I was reading the history of advocacy for the full inclusion of LGBTQ+ persons in The UMC and the many stories of the big-time names who changed history. Likewise, as a clergyperson supporting the full inclusion of LGBTQ+ persons in the United Methodist Church, I find my life is filled with names of people who transformed my life in little ways and nudged me ever so slowly to advocacy.
I cannot write the names of all of them publicly, and so I will write about them in an equal format: with letters for names.
I give thanks to those I met at an early age…
- For D, who was such a funny friend of my parents…and may never know I didn’t wonder why he didn’t have a girlfriend.
- For T, who would come to our house to hang with our family, then would go into one of the bathrooms and come out dressed for work as a ravishing drag queen…and may never know I just loved his outfits and looked forward to his visits!
- For R, who my mother and I would visit as a part of a RAIN team taking meals to persons living with AIDS in the 1980s…and may never know I was afraid he would hurt my mother—and she had to explain that he really wasn’t interested in her.
I give thanks to those who gave me grace when I failed…
- For A, who was my first (known) gay friend in college, who tolerated my ridiculous questions…and may never know how much I was afraid to ask her.
- For J, who was afraid to come out to me because he didn’t know if I was accepting…and may never know how much I lament that I didn’t live it out louder.
- For J, who is raising a huge adopted family and takes on parenting and homophobia every day…and who may never know how much I wish I stood up for her more when she came out.
I give thanks to those who are my partners in ministry…
- For S, who I knew before and after his transition…and who may never know what an ongoing transformation he has had on me.
- For T, with whom I worked a summer camp and he never sought me out even as a known ally…and who may never know how much I wish he had.
- For C, who cried when I told her that of course we would baptize their child and her partner could stand with her…and who may never know that as she was crying, I was fighting a red rising fury because two partners being allowed a Sacrament together ought not be a surprise in our church.
- For R, who walked through our church doors and asked if this was a safe place for her daughters to learn what church was like without hate and harm…and who may never know what an honor it was to provide that space.
- For the whole alphabet of names at Cambridge Welcoming Ministries in Massachusetts who shaped me for five years side by side in that circle of chairs and in the kitchen; at First Church Seattle as I pastored alongside a strong and thriving queer community of church members and staff; and queer clergy colleagues across the connection who show me what it is to be faithful every single day…all of whom I hope know of my appreciation and affection for them.
Finally, for K, for my friend who hoped to serve in our beloved United Methodist Church, who was and is a better pastor than I will ever be…but the UMC would not consider ordaining her. She knows that she was the last straw, that the Spirit convicted me through her that my church–our church–was wrong.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Your lives (and many, many others) echo into infinity and touch more lives that you may have thought possible. I am only one of many. And I carry all of you with me as I serve and support the movement for full inclusion and affirmation of all the Letters and Names in The United Methodist Church.
Your Turn
Thoughts?
Thanks for reading, commenting, subscribing, and sharing on social media.
THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU for having the guts to say this out loud! Our church has survived a year and a half of devastating and discouraging discernment and disaffiliation, but by golly, we are still standing! And it fills me with unbounded and unbridled joy to read essays like this one from MINISTERS of the United Methodist Church. Again – thankyouthankyouthankyou!
Given the choice between a personal plea to God for forgiveness and a public, self-aggrandizing chest-thumping, Jeremy chooses the latter.
Why am I not surprised?
Forgiveness for what? Jeremy was expressing thankfulness for the lessons he learned and the loving growth that he experienced by sharing some life experiences with people of another sexual orientation and gender identity than his. He has learned that God’s love and inclusion is for ALL, and is seeking changes in the UMC that show that our denomination is truly open to all of God’s children equally.
Jeremy uses the phrase “when I failed”. What about those words don’t you understand?
Given the choice of keeping your indecorous thoughts to yourself or replying and letting readers see the “Anonymous Dave” personality, you chose the latter. And in doing so, you publically indulged your meanness. I do wonder if those who know the real you would be surprised.
Didn’t know last names are required, but it is Martin. There are a few people with that name, so probably that’s not much more specific than Dave.
BTW, my friends would be disappointed if I let a self-righteous column go unchallenged.
I have shared your journey. I mourn that I misplayed it when my sister came out to me a few years ago [because I already knew she was gay, possibly before she did]. I am grateful that I had a chance to make it right with her, and for the friendships I’ve formed with my dear gay friends, some of whom I rank among the finest exemplars of Christians I know.
And now in my final years of life [not sick; just old!], I cannot wait for the United Methodist Church to demolish the hurtful language sinfully inserted into our Book of Discipline and sinfully allowed to fester there for 52 years. I am filled with rage at our [my] passive complicity as our faith committed unholy harm to our [my] brothers and sisters in service to a poisonous polity that has no place in the Body of Christ.
May the Spirit of love wash over everyone present in Charlotte to inspire love ❤️. May this be the time for a healing, the year when all are treated equally and justly. ️️⚧️
Thank YOU. This was refreshing to read as I thought of my own names to be thankful for… and reminisced over my own struggles with acceptance simply for being a single, childless female in a (not UMC) church. Many prayers that love prevails and that ALL will truly feel welcome and celebrated for who they are.