The poor will always be with you–but that doesn’t make them the butt of jokes.
A pair of black slacks
Growing up in Oklahoma City in the 1980s/90s, I typically wore my one pair of black slacks to church. My family was mid-to-lower middle class, and we never went hungry but I didn’t have a plethora of outfits either. In elementary and middle school, it was not a problem at my marginally diverse city church.
But then the end of middle school and the beginning of high school, my church relocated to the outskirts of suburbia, right across from one of the wealthiest communities in the county. The congregational membership shifted to the more affluent suburban culture (or maybe it always was, and I didn’t notice) and the church became quite large. This became a problem for my single pair of slacks as I ran into the Cole-Haan loafer, Doc Martens, and JNCO Jeans crowd at my church. I didn’t have that type of premium clothes, and I clearly didn’t fit in with this new crowd.
I remember being teased for my clothes in cruel Middle School fashion, and having that seemingly innocuous subject become a source of aversion to attending church. It came to a peak when I so didn’t want to go to midweek bible study with the preppies, so I acted like a TV had fallen on me when my mom came to my room to take me to church. She saw right through it, of course, but I don’t think I told her why.
It was hard being a class below the dominant class in a church that made class divisions clear. We moved to another town the next year (Tulsa), and that new church is where I found my call to ministry. I don’t think I would be in the church at all if I had stayed at the childhood church–though God’s call is persistent–much less a minister.
A Misuse of Goodwill (and Good Will)
“We may forget that the poor are not an abstraction but rather a group of human beings who have names, who are made in the image of God, whose hairs are numbered, and for whom Jesus died.” – Bryant Myers, Walking with the Poor, 57.
I write that reflection above because it came flooding back to me based on a Facebook post shared by that childhood church’s new senior pastor. He shared a post from a blogger who wrote about a “Goodwill Date Night” that she and her husband went on. They went to Goodwill (a thrift store that sells donations at low prices), bought crazy outfits for one another for <$20, then went on a date calling each other hillbilly fake names (editor’s note: many comments on how “hillbilly” was too far an assumption, so I’ve changed it to be more accurate)
Some online found it to be offensive–but honestly, I don’t shame couples for engaging in role-play, and near as I can tell, they didn’t do it to shame other people. Besides, I have a much bigger concern.
It was the senior pastor who shared it and tagged a bunch of couples to propose to do this as a big group. Amidst the responses, some said to choose clothes “based on smell…mothballs?” When the pastor floating it as a potential church event, it caused one clergy friend to caution (unheeded in the thread):
So friends, I find this an offensive way to have date night. Does this really represent Christ in the world? Goodwill exists to help the poor not to give middle class Christians a good laugh.
Another friend said:
I despise this mentality. This is the same mentality that brought us shows like “Honey Boo Boo” and a whole range of shows in Appalachia that preyed on people in poverty for our “amusement.” It is nothing more than poverty porn and getting your jollies off of marginalized people who often can’t afford any more than what they can buy at Goodwill or Wal-Mart.
I love supporting Goodwill with my shopping and donations. My water bottle is from there, and my man bag was from there–until I got a new man bag as a gift this past month. I’ve gotten worship supplies many a time. When a purchase doesn’t work out, I never return it for a refund–just donate it again. It’s not a perfect social service and non-profit, but I do support it.
What I don’t support is making fun of people who rely on it.
A Different Type of Date Night
“Poverty is, in the biblical vision, never something to be put up with or to be adjusted to as normal.” – Bryan Stone, Evangelism after Christendom, 216
I know there’s lots of arguments to support this behavior. That any reason to purchase from goodwill keeps unwanted clothes from being sent to Africa, people with disabilities employed, and awareness high. I get those “ends justify the means” arguments.
But I always, always believe Christians should side with those in poverty. And making fun of poverty culture–whether it is for wearing a single pair of black slacks or terrible clothes from a thrift store–is not who we are called to be.
My hope is churches and groups will consider a different type of event: donating $20 per couple to Goodwill and then volunteering for an hour to sort donations. My spouse and I have volunteered many times together at service events, and that’s done more for our marriage than one night of denigrating a stereotypical culture. Well, I assume it would: we haven’t tried the latter.
Thoughts?
Thanks for reading, commenting, and your shares on social media.
Wow. This is precisely what all those passages about modesty in the epistles are condemning – the humiliation of the poor. Thanks for this post.
I can’t believe it. I actually agree with Jeremy on this. That’s twice in the past two years. Something must be wrong with me.
Excellent!
I can see both sides to the argument, it can be rubbing in how one may think less of stuff from those stores and by association those who do rely on such stores.
On the other side the couples came up with an inexpensive game to play and be silly with each other and probably didn’t have forethought that there may be a larger social impact to their play game
But my real purpose is a side note that unfortunately goodwill is not largely a good will organization. It does not pay a living wage, it does not use profits to help those in need. It pays its ceo and high upper management very very large salaries. The only good it does is takes what it gets for free and sells at lower prices (by me I still find it much more expensive than thrift stores which are non-profit)
Goodwill employs people who otherwise would not be employed, because they can’t compete in the job market. Goodwill is a huge organization, and their CEO should be paid a competitive salary, as should any CEO.
I completely agree, Mikie.
No way would I volunteer my time at a pseudo not for profit organization when the CEO is raking in the big bucks.
You need to check your sources. Most Goodwill’s, while using the big name, have local boards and are locally run. Sorry just tired of hearing this same old repeated line, which is just another conspiracy theory.
There are lots of other thrift stores and organizations that help the poor. Pick one you like. 🙂
Goodwill date night is the stupidest idea I ever heard of, much less an appropriate event for a church to sponsor. This kind of small minded clubbiness is why I’ll never join an evangelical church.
I am appalled!! But, this attitude is throughout the Christian church, and it doesn’t matter of which faith. My husband and I finally stopped attending church. We simply did not fit in. And that is sad.
Many years ago, we were both working, and the church assisted me in deciding to stay home to homeschool our daughters. Of course, the stand by “God will provide for your needs” was an answer to ears that never heard we were going to lose more than 1/2 our income. But, I eventually made the decision to be home. Interesting how all of a sudden we were in need of the pantry, yet no longer invited to events, etc. And when we were, financial aid was not given to us, but rather others in the church.
We never dressed “poor”. We always tithed. But what we learned is that if my husband doesn’t make enough to support our family, then we were not good enough for the church. Oh yes, I could serve (for free), and although my service of 6 years directing a children’s choir and annual musical presentations, as well as bringing them out to serve in the community, to be included in the generosity others received. This is not jealousy. This is reality.
I love God with all my heart, and will continue to serve him in ways He leads me. But, it is no longer in the church environment, with people who choose to mistreat their fellow Christian brothers and sisters.
We are not bitter, but we are free from the abuse.
I hope you are able to find a church home where you will thrive, where you will give of your time and talent and be supported and loved. My church has several ministries to help the homeless and disadvantaged; it is why I am there. I “dress down” rather than “dress up”; I may be sharing the pew with an unkempt homeless but lovely individual. (I have donated many quality items to Good Will in years past; shame on those with their arrogant attitude.)
Dawn – I am Lutheran and it makes me sad to hear that you had that experience at church. That’s awful! It sounds like you’ve given up on finding a church family, but I urge you to try again, with any denomination. The right church will make you feel welcome and loved. It’s the family atmosphere that is the best thing about my church. No, we aren’t all best friends. But these people would do anything if I had a need and that is a big part of what church is, or should be, about. Please don’t give up!
Thanks, Jeremy. Insightful. I buy at Goodwill (actually at the Goodwill outlet, just before they go to the rag shop) and rummage sales & other thrift stores.. I know other people who also purchase second-hand or receive free clothes and then are able to give more generously to causes or use that extra money to help others. And certainly we know Paul addressed some of these issues in his letters, so it seems really hard to think we have learned so little in 2000 years..
While Goodwill is not a perfect organization, that doesn’t excuse using it as platform for the date night idea which can shame a good number of people who need it as a resource. Our church runs a thrift store, and I would feel the same way if people used it for this activity. I love the idea of working together as a date night to sort and hang. How about give the clerk a dinner certificate for them to go out and eat?
I agree entirely that this behavior is wrong.
I would challenge you and others to not support Goodwill, though, as it pays some of its workers 34 cents an hour and thus perpetuates poverty itself.
Source please?
I worked for Goodwill with the employment services for people with intellectual (and many with additional physical) disabilities. There’s a lot of forces at play with the low wages. (Please don’t take my explanation of why these things happen as condoning these things; this is just the current situation.)
People with disabilities are paid per piece rather than per hour. We had clients who would work consistently for the entire four hours, but we had other clients who would refuse to work. For some clients, this program was more of a day care situation than actual employment–a reason to get out of the house and socialize, not actually for earning money.
Currently, eligibility for social services is often based on income. If you earn too much in a month, you lose your benefits. If people who rely on these benefits work too many hours at minimum wage, they will lose their benefits.
The system needs to be fixed and people should be paid fairly, but just saying “people are earning 34 cents an hour” doesn’t take into account all of the factors.
Thank you for the explanation. I was not aware of those facts, and it does make a difference.
I used to care for folks with developmental and intellectual disabilities as a worker in their group homes. My clients were also paid by the piece and experienced the same situation with their disability benefits. I can confirm everything Vickey has said.
Thank you for this explanation… there are special circumstances when you employ the disabled and you don’t want to make them loose their financial support but still give them the life lesson and sense of accomplishment.
Involving ourselves in situations that impact people dealing with poverty can be a learning experience. Several churches in our area sponsored a day in which participants could role play situations that some people face on a daily basis. Time limits were placed on getting things done. Unexpected crises were interjected. Although it was only a one day pretend situation, most participants were exhausted and discouraged at the conclusion. These were upper middle class, well educated people. We tried to imagine what less privileged people would feel in facing these constant struggles. Developing empathy is what Christians do. Pretending to be poor for entertainment is despicable.
Ah well, maybe despicable is a little harsh. It is certainly clueless, and helps perpetuate an unhealthy us-vs-them mindset. I like the idea of an event where people role play what it’s really like to be poor. I grew up middle class, but spent part of my life as a very broke single mom. I tell you what, it was eye-opening. Difficult, frustrating, discouraging.
There is a fine line here. Many people shop thrift stores for costumes (Halloween, costume parties, plays) and assume an alter ego for entertainment which does not feel disrespectful. However, this “date night” was intended to mock the former owners of the clothing for entertainment. Why didn’t they opt to buy the most attractive outfit the could for $10 and showcase their creativity instead of judging and shaming others?
I shop a Goodwill that stocks excellent workwear at prices 70-90% off department stores because it’s good stewardship of my family’s resources and of the Earth, not because I have to or because it’s a hilarious diversion.
Don’t most Protestant and all Evangelicals think that you are not a good person if you are poor? That if you don’t believe correctly, then God won’t reward you with riches and prestige? I had a friend of nearly 50 years drop me when she began attending a mega church. She really got into that prosperity thing and didn’t want to hang out with a horrible simmer like me. I am poor, therefore I am a miserable no good sinner.
I know what you are talking about – that school of thought is called the “prosperity gospel” and is sometimes preached in mega churches and through televangelists. It may creep up in some evangelical Christian culture, too.
But no, I would definitely not say most mainline protestant domination believe in that. Especially if you talk to mainline pastors, you will most likely find that they work hard to battle against that kind of poisoning, un-Christian thought. I can say this because I’m a hospital chaplain who is married to a pastor with many clergy friends, and the prosperity gospel us something that makes us cringe!
Jesus constantly spoke of serving the poor and he was always getting in trouble for eating, healing, and touching the people considered outcasts of society. To reject someone, even if they are a sinner, is the height of hypocracy for a Christian as we are taught that all are singers and in need of forgiveness, and that we can’t earn our way to heaven or to having God love us more than God already does.
I’m so sorry you were so deeply hurt by a friend who got swept up into that unhealthy mindset. Of course, all people, and all churches/groups of people, are flawed. But I hope someday you find Christian friends and maybe even a Christian community who welcome you in with open arms and be a little more reflective of God’s perfect, unlimited love. That kind of love is meant to transform our hearts and the decisions we make to love more like Jesus, not our bank accounts.
I’ll be thinking of you and sensing you love as you mourn the loss of that friendship and pray for you on your journey to healing that wound. ❤
I am a mom of 6 and we shop at goodwill quite a bit to save money. However, when I have donations, we take them to other charitable organizations. Goodwill accepts free donations and then seems them to consumers. What upsets me is that we have 3 goodwill stores in our town and none of them are ever interested in actually doing charitable things. For example, one goodwill store was taking bins and bins if blankets and clothes to their dumpster. Our humane society was asking people for old blankets and clothes to make pet beds for the animals there during the winter. I asked the goodwill store if I could have the clothes and blankets for the animals and was told that goodwill doesn’t give to other organizations. The workers were told to throw items away instead of giving them away instead of helping other people. That makes me sad. Another goodwill store in town was throwing away boxes of sporting goods. I knew children who would love to have those things so they could participate in our community sports programs but couldn’t afford equipment. When I asked if I could have the items for needy children, I was told that I could buy each box of goods for $25 and they reminded me that goodwill doesn’t give to other charitable organizations. They wanted me to buy the stuff they were in the process of throwing away. So anyway, I take my donations to places I know they won’t be sold or thrown away and will actually go towards helping someone.
I’m struggling to see how this makes fun of the poor. The clothes are not generally donated by the poor, but from middle class or wealthier people who frequently replace their wardrobes. The clothes being made fun of were worn by them, not by the poor. I imagine the poor people who come into the Goodwill store would laugh at those outfits too. I shopped in charity shops a bit in the past when I was struggling financially and would often have a giggle at an outrageous dress or outfit, but I always pictured them having been chosen by someone with more money than taste. Those items generally end up in the rag-bags when no one chooses them. Someone struggling financially can dress very nicely from charity stores.
Yup, completely agree with Neroli. Buying things for fun at Goodwill doesn’t make fun of the poor. Nor does wearing long-out-of-fashion and mismatched outfits to a theme party.
Spending money at Goodwill and buying used items is a good thing generally and we regulary get the kids some nice clothes there on trips to the US even though we’re not struggling financially.
Uuggh. Why are Christians so easily offended?! No one is mocking the poor here. And while I’m not all hurt by the assumption, I find it oddly telling that the author here equates shopping for used clothing with abject poverty. Because why on EARTH would you be caught dead shopping at Goodwill otherwise? *holds out pinky while sipping tea*
Perhaps if the Christian community actually were busy HELPING the poor (And I mean other than dumping your unwanted clothes off at Goodwill and patting yourself on the back for not trying to resell them) you wouldn’t have time to point your fingers at everyone else. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and get to work.
Agreed. 100%. At least fundies and left wingers can agree on one thing – best way to prevent fun and failing to represent the gospel. Maybe all ya’ll can find common ground there.
Give me a break. The purpose of this exercise was to find goofy outfits for each other and wear them out in public, not shame people who shop at goodwill. You literally could enact this exercise at any store that sells clothing, goodwill just happened to be chosen because it was less expensive. If anything, wearing embarrassing outfits out in public is a way of humbling yourself, which humility is a core teaching of Christianity. This is just another example of someone manufacturing something offensive out of something innocent in order to climb on an Internet soapbox and inflate their blog’s traffic count.
Hi James,
As indicated in the post, I don’t have a problem with the couple engaged in role play. What I have a problem with is a church making it into a group event.
Thanks for your comment.
I think what this couple did was hilarious…not in any way did I think they were mocking the poor. If they had gone and spent hundreds on purchasing their ridiculous outfits or hundreds on fancy clothes to wear for date night that would be ok but because they had a limited budget and did something fun it’s wrong??
I shop regularly in charity shops for me and my children, at one time it was all we could afford now we have a little more spare cash but I don’t agree with spending lots on clothing anyway.
I would love to be brave enough to go out in the outfits these 2 did…if they had raided their parents or relatives old clothes would it be ok in the authors eyes???
Hi Rebecca,
As indicated in the post, I don’t have a problem with the couple engaged in role play. What I have a problem with is a church making it into a group event.
Thanks for your comment.
And this is why the Gentiles blaspheme the name of God. Because of you. This was never about poverty culture, and you don’t have to be impoverished to shop at thrift stores. Go write about something else; I’m sure the number of things the UM church is embroiled in are better fodder than people having fun by going out on a date.
This article is ridiculous. Make it a group event; make it about recycling clothing and money management. God forbid, make it about fun. If Christians are still allowed to do that.
UMJeremy
Dude, I get it.
Your life experience makes you more sensitive to these issues. I can’t say what these folks had in mind with this event , the fake names thing is a bit suspicious.
It is not just the “prosperity gospel” types that may look down on the poor. I remember as a kid asking my parents about some new folks that came to our church. Recent converts, they dressed differently, had a car that was past its prime and always in need of help. “Well they really have not been Christians very long. When you are saved your life changes to something better. Just watch!”
Apparently, Jesus gives you better money management skills, changes your family background and added to your education along with getting rid of guilt and shame.
They didn’t stay, by the way, those less than best dressed new folks.
Though it didn’t take me long to call bullsxxt, I found myself making judgements based on appearance. “Hmm, nice clothes and haircut. Solid car…must be christians.” (James’ admonition about showing favoritism always hits hard.)