Several years ago, I attended a training that was invaluable for my work with LGBTQ people. It helped clarify for my straight white man brain what some aspects of gender, orientation, and identity were…and I thought I would pass on.
There are four terms that we tend to use interchangeably and it is helpful to show how they are very different.
1. Sex
Sex refers to the biological characteristics of a person: to be specific, their genitalia. But more than just their visible sex organs, it includes internal organs and chromosomes, which are different between the sexes.
This is often what is on one’s birth certificate or driver’s license, and that entry on those documents is fine for most folks, but it causes headaches for folks who want to change/have changed their sex. Finally, intersex refers to folks with both genitalia or no genitalia.
2. Gender Identity
This is the most important one. Gender identity is the deeply-held belief of what gender a person believes they are. This means a person self-selects as to what gender they want to be referenced as. Do they want to be referred to as a man, a woman, or genderqueer (which can also mean “none of your business”)? This is the “pronouns” question that LGBTQ and informed allies ask at an initial conversation: “what pronouns do you want to be referred to by?”
Note that a person’s sex (which is about body parts) does not dictate their gender identity: it is self-chosen. So a person with male sex organs may identify as female or queer, which is what we call transgender (because the person’s identity doesn’t match their sex organs they were born with–more on that later).
3. Gender Expression
Gender Expression is how one exhibits their cultural definitions of gender. A woman may wear more culturally-defined feminine or masculine clothes. Or the person’s physical and style choices may be less weighted either way and thus “androgynous.” This can be defined either by the person (ie. “I’m femme”) or by onlookers (ie. “he’s more femme than she is.”)
Note that anyone can express as anywhere on the spectrum–it’s not contingent on gender or sex organs. So straight people can express this way as well.
4. Sexual Orientation (Attraction)
Sexual Orientation (in the chart, it says “attraction”) is what gender identity a person is attracted to. Sexual orientation is where we get most of the language used in the debate over human sexuality.
- Heterosexual refers to people who sit at one of the spectrum above or the other–in other words, women who are attracted to men, men who are attracted to women.
- Homosexual flips the last section with men attracted to other men, and women attracted to other women.
- Folks can also be bisexual/pansexual (attracted to any gender identity) or asexual (not attracted physically or romantically to any gender identity).
It’s unfortunate that the term “sexual orientation” has the term “sex” in it when it mostly refers to “gender identity.”
Best practices:
For straight white men like me, gender and sexuality can be really confusing, but breaking it down to the four main components helps spell it out a bit.
But how do you use this knowledge in everyday life? Here’s four examples.
- Name Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation separately. This is key: they are not the same thing! Orientation refers to attraction toward others; identity refers to self-concept regardless of societal, biological, or presentation factors.
- Rethink common expressions: One presenter at a conference I attended identified as genderqueer (“they” pronouns) and when they arrived at the door, I said “There she is!” which was immediately wrong as soon as it left my mouth. Saying “there they are” actually applies more easily to everyone, so I’ve tried to use that expression more universally. Also, as noted by a commenter on a previous post, using phrases like “brothers, sisters, and siblings” instead of “sisters and brothers” moves away from binary language, which is helpful.
- Ask people what pronouns they want. Because how a person presents themselves (gender presentation) doesn’t have to match their preferred pronouns (gender identity), it avoids any confusion to just ask. Asking “what gender identity are you?” is too formal–it’s easier to just ask “what pronouns do you prefer?” After you try it a few times, you’ll get the hang of it.
- Self-identify in new groups. As you can see, a person’s sexual/gender identity has at least four components. For me, my sex is male, my gender identity is man, my gender presentation is not extremely masculine but that end of the spectrum, and my orientation is towards women. That seems overwhelming, but you really only need to self-identify with the second one (gender identity) because that defines how a stranger can interact with you. So I can say “my name is Jeremy and my pronouns are he/him.” By inviting that sort of self-disclosure, it clears the air for everyone who is sensitive to the spectrum.
Bonus: CisHet? Trans*?
CisHet mean cisgender heterosexual. It’s when one is both straight and has a gender identity consistent with the one assigned at birth. On the chart, it basically means you sit firmly on one side or the other.
Transgender is very different. For example, my trans friend’s sex is female, his gender identity is masculine, his gender presentation is more androgynous, and his orientation is towards women. So instead of a classic “all one side is straight” line, they are in a variety of places on those four spectrums. Finally, most people prefer to not be referred to as “transgendered” as that implies they are just recipients of an action, rather than bearers of their own identity.
As the purple graphic above shows, the shorthand trans* (note the asterisk) covers a wide range of people, so it’s helpful to be open to the spectrum.
Helpful? Corrections?
As noted, I’m a straight white male, so I’m trying to write so that other straight people can better understand sexuality and gender. There’s a ridiculous amount of better writers on this subject that I drew from, so this post is putting their wisdom into a format that folks might not otherwise see.
Corrections or clarifications are welcome in the comments. Otherwise: thoughts?
Thanks for this primer, Jeremy!
As a non-binary trans person, I’d offer a few tweaks from my context. While the traditional visual spectrum of two points in a line has been helpful in the past, many folks are moving towards ideas less based off the idea there are two starting points. Something more like represented in this graphic: http://www.transstudent.org/gender This is important for a wide variety of reasons, just one being that those who are not men or women don’t necessarily define themselves as part of one or the other. Some do, but helpful to be able to visualize gender beyond the two. The same goes for sexual orientation. Being bi isn’t half straight, half gay – it’s a whole other thing.
I would mention that most of us don’t know our actual sex. Who knows their chromosomes? Not many of us. The way we gender biological sex is part of the complex problem…but that’s a whole other piece on its own. More helpful to say how people were assigned at birth rather than what their “sex” is – because that’s already a complicated label/suggestion/inference. Also, you are goign to be hard pressed to find a trans person who is ok with being referenced by their perceived “biological sex.” Kind of like saying – what you “really” are…
I think you are right on about gender identity – though I try to use the language that says gender identity is the identity we actually are, not what we were told we were at birth. Most trans people would say we are not selecting our genders, we are just naming what is true about who we are. When we people think we are just making up or choosing how we ID our self, it can be hard for people to take us seriously. Personally, I believe there are innate aspects of who I am that, interpreted through our current social construct of gender, make my gender what it is.
The asterisk on trans has kind of evolved out. You can read more at: http://www.transstudent.org/asterisk
It’s an evolving conversation and can be tough to keep up with but hope some of these additional insights are helpful…
Glad you are bringing up the subject!
Oh dear. So many typos. 0_0
Hi Jeremy, thanks for laying some of this out for folks! My suggestion, both to represent what I hear trans folk say and to counter people like the detractor on the UMClergy page is to strike the language of “belief,” “choice,” and “want to be” under gender identity and use something more along the lines of “know themselves to be” or “best matches the person’s deeply-held identity.” I don’t *believe* myself to be female; I *know* myself to be female. I don’t choose it (the way I choose how I present my gender). I have the cisgender privilege of that self-knowledge matching what my medical records have presumed, my parents assumed in raising me, and what almost all people assume when looking at me. But it’s still not really a preference, choice, or want. When I forget appearance, body, and physical self and try to simple be at my most basic level, part of that being, for me, swims in female– if not feminine– identity. Language about choice or belief sometimes invites the ignorant and undermining comments about “well, what if I believe myself to be a starfish?” or the comparisons to Rachel Dolezal.
I like the asterisk, as a nerd-way to claim various endings on trans* (remember those old search engines that needed that?), but I also understand that there’s a painful connotation, as for example, some states will issue new birth certificates with the gender/sex (inconsistent which is on the birth cert) marker changed, but with an * showing that it was amended, still outing the person as transgender.
Bless,
Becca