A guest post reflecting on the recent popular article about women leaving the church and what that means to her as a theologically-educated layperson active in her church.
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Should Women Leave the Church to be Heard?
Irene R. DeMaris
One of my best friends is not religious–which is hardly shocking as I am Pacific Northwest born-and-raised, and have lived in Seattle for the better part of a decade. Most of my friends aren’t religious and when I decided to pursue my Master of Divinity, it took time for some to understand why I as a progressive feminist would get even more religious.
Thus, it wasn’t a huge surprise when Pew Research released an article “Gender gap in religious service attendance has narrowed in U.S.” which led to another article, “Women Are Leaving the Church and the Reason Seems Clear.” It also wasn’t a surprise that said best friend sent me one of those articles, asking why I stay.
Achievements and Threats
Truth be told, I have been thinking about that article since it came out. Historically women have been integral members of faith communities, right from the very beginning with Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha, and all the women mentioned in Paul’s Letters. Women were a mighty presence from funding ministries to, dare I say it, speaking in church.
When women didn’t have rights outside of church buildings, it was within those walls women took shelter; they organized for justice, funded missions, found solidarity, and found a place where their prophetic voices could be heard. The church has been a place to give women voice, freedom to organize, and to live into their God-given agency.
Until it hasn’t.
For many women, the church is no longer the place where we have found our God-given agency and/or where we have been given the opportunity to speak prophetically.
A Denomination Astray
As a cradle United Methodist, I feel the constriction increase, where as a woman, my voice is stifled. In fact, that was a major reason why I recently left the ordination process. As a woman called to seeking justice and whose passion is reproductive health, choice, and justice, I felt that being ordained as a deacon would cause me to not use my voice, the voice I have so diligently developed over the course of my Masters of Divinity program. I want to speak my theologically trained truth that is grounded in the good news of the Bible.
I get why women are leaving.
- As a United Methodist, we saw progress for women and girls stifled recently at General Conference. Our General Board of Church & Society and United Methodist Women are no longer allowed to be in coalition with the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (RCRC and the only coalition the church votes on).
- The response of General Conference’s vote against membership (which no money goes towards) in the RCRC on Twitter consisted of many women saying this was the last straw for them in the church. It was heartbreaking. Ironically, many people donated to the RCRC who had never before, they probably made more money by us leaving that will go towards their mission!
- Responsible Parenthood, a holistic view of what it means to choose to be a parent and affirmation of birth control as a way for women to have control over our reproductive health, was voted down. Other legislation regarding women and girls was left in the dust, taking out our voices from The Book of Resolutions.
The church is afraid of women’s bodies, our agency, and our voices.
As a Church, we moved backwards or to the side, which doesn’t do the female voice any good.
Speaking Up from the Pew
Restrictions over women’s bodies, paychecks, how we raise our children abound in society, and more abound in society, but our churches are not doing enough to do something about those important social issues.
Why stay with an institution that does not trust women? It is not enough to say that all were created equal, yet deny women’s agency and mute our voices. The church is no longer the space where women are being emboldened to seek justice. It’s tragic.
So why do I stay? Beyond my unreasonable stubbornness, I am a Christian woman who sees hope and possibility for the future. For the church to step up for women, to un-mute our voices and listen to the prophetic words we have to offer.
Women are leaving, yes. But there are women who are staying to turn the church around. They will be welcoming those women back, and listening to all they have to offer.
Irene R. DeMaris, MDiv, is a theologically trained laywoman seeking justice in a broken world. When she isn’t thinking about religion and politics she drinks way too much coffee, walks her dog around Seward Park in Seattle, and is active in her faith community, Valley & Mountain. (twitter)
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Thoughts?
Thanks for your comments and shares on social media!
Oh holy crap yes!!! This!!! I’ve been a bivocational LLP for 5 years and just stepped down and asked not to be reappointed. Among the other hoop jumping and controversy-navigating it has been heart breaking to see that to a large portion of my chosen tribe, I’m an anomaly to be tolerated because true men of God are not standing up. (Literal, actual quote)
Good for you! I too am a “cradle Methodist” lay woman with a seminary degree. But after 70-something years super-active in the UMC (GC delegate etc.), I gave up & stopped participating after being told by an associate pastor that she had bee ordered to have no further contact with me. For more, see my website http://www.connectionsonline.org & my book Misfits.
Ugh. I am so weary from this battle, and the recent incidents within the UMC have both frustrated and angered me. I attended a Methodist church for many years, but ultimately left because there was no female leadership in my local congregation and an overall contentment with that missing voice. What is up with that? We are “half the sky.” We simply cannot allow the Church of any denomination to silence us. If leaving is what it takes, than leave we must. God is working through too many of us to be shut down by man’s church.
Please, Karen; quietly leave the UMC Church if you feel the fundamental human right to control the self includes aborting gestation of a healthy human fetus beyond the 11-week point. Before reaching the twelfth-week and development of a four-chamber heartbeat with an independent circulatory system, -gestation should be chosen to continue until birth or should be aborted. There are numerous reasons to abort gestation using medication and abortion -of-gestation can often be the best or most honorable choice.
1. Not realizing gestation has begun is NOT an honorable reason to extend the 12-week limitation. Early pregnancy tests should be provided for free to UMC members and would be if needed. EPTs are already provided by the UMC if requested.
2. The expense of artificially aborting gestation should be covered by Medicaid or will be paid by the UMC if necessary during the first 11-weeks for UMC members when not done frivolously like as birth control.
3. It is more honorable to abort gestation than to refuse to commit to raising children to accept God and follow Christ. See Mathew 7:13,14 and remember God killing everyone in the days of Noah and then in Sodom and Gomorrah.
http://www.umc.org/what-we-believe/responsible-parenthood
http://master-of-photography.us/transfers/2014/Roe-v-Wade_AR/Appeal/Dkt-Mirror/Replacement-Reply-Brief_4175428.pdf
I faced 24 years of abuse and skepticism as an elder in the UMC. After about 15 years of service, I began to see that the new seminary grad golden boys were getting the prime appointments with potential, while my appointments were still minimum salary churches that were declining or even dying. I wonder why women have chosen to stick around so long.
I’d like to note that dropping out of the RCRC does not change the official position of the UMC regarding abortion. We may still work to make abortion “safe, legal, and rare” even without a connection to RCRC. Fortunately Roe v Wade is still the law of the land despite repeated and persistent challenges. Roe v Wade doesn’t require UM support and endorsement.
I WOULD like to see a shift in emphasis in our activism in this area though. I hope we can focus on promoting adoption, birth control, sex-education, maternal health, and yes, celibacy in singleness. There is PLENTY of work for Christians of every political stripe to engage in to make abortion “rare”. I wish the hard core right would just give up their obsession with outlawing abortion. I will continue to work to keep abortion legal, and available to women who make that difficult choice; but I don’t need the church to help with my effort. Hillary Clinton and I can work together on that.
Hi Diane,
You may have noticed I didn’t say abortion with the RCRC part because the organization is more holistic than that. 🙂
I agree with focusing on other areas like birth control, sex-education, and maternal health and I would add working towards universal childcare and more resourcing for young families. I am sure on the other points you listed we could have some great conversation about. 🙂 Thanks for commenting and #HillzYes.
Irene
Dropping the old resolution on Responsible Parenthood made a lot of IRD type folks happy and made no real difference at all. I suspect many United Methodist women will continue to work to keep abortion safe, legal and rare even without official endorsement.
Yup. The Social Principle on Abortion was maintained.
Irene
Diane, I agree with most of your assertions, that we must expand comprehensive sex education, the use of contraception, and expand maternal health. I, also hope that you would add free or low cost day care, SNAP, Medicaid, and Section 8 Housing, so that a poor woman could raise a child, without going hungry or homeless, if she chooses to continue her pregnancy..
Where we disagree is in your statement regarding “celibacy in singleness.” This is not where young people, who are continuing their education, but have found a partner, are today. Neither was it 62 years ago when my husband and I were in college. My husband was studying to become an engineer, and I was studying to become a nurse. We married and have been married for 57 years, but waited to marry until our educations were completed for our chosen careers. However, we were not celibate but were monogamous, and still are.
As for abortion, while I have never had to choose to terminate a pregnancy, I will support, to my dying day, the right of women to choose. Abortion must always be safe and legal.
In so far as the RCRC is concerned,, I support their great work. While this organization does perform abortions, they, also, are the only health care that some people can afford. Like Planned Parenthood, a small part of their services relate to abortion. They, also, offer free or low cost contraception, sex education, STD testing, and cancer screening. I am disappointed that the UMC no longer wishes to support this worthwhile organization.
This should not surprise any of us who are progressive as the UMC is becoming more conservative. I am, further, disappointed in their stance regarding our LBGT sisters and brothers. They, like anyone who loves God and loves their neighbors as themselves, should be granted full inclusion in the UMC. I was gratified to see that six Annual Conferences are granting full inclusion to our LBGT sisters and brothers and that many, also, support the right of women to have dominion over their bodies and be in charge of their reproductive health. Abortion is a medical procedure, and must be a decision left to women and their doctors.
Hi Irene,
I hope women will take initiative and build a denomination of our own, with the door open for men who are not wanting to the over (if that is possible). Why do we deprive ourselves of a new denomination? Why do we financially support male-run churches that use our money against our interests?
June
You think it’s bad in Seattle try a small town on the coast. I have been searching for a new church home for several years without success so far. I was actually told by an elder that I as a woman I was to remain silent in early service since Ihad no MAN to speak for me!!
Oh, Juel,
That is a travesty, especially in 2016. Even Jesus elevated women, who, had always been thought of as chattel. Jesus, is said to have given women a voice, and that was 2,000 years ago! You are not the property of any man, not your father or anyone else.
Women are doctors, lawyers, cleric, any profession or job that you mention. Try attending a UCC Church. I left the UMC due to their stance on our LBGT sisters and brothers, as well as their stance on abortion. I now attend a UCC Church.
Women who believe a pregnant female should be able to hire someone to kill the fetus growing within her after 12-weeks up to “viability” left the honorable UMC Church already and have begun harming the UMC from within. Yes; Please leave the UMC but try to realize the claim that women are being persecuted by man’s Church is wrong.
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There will always be exceptions, but killing a human fetus should never be done. The right to control gestation expires when the placenta connnects the human fetus to the uterus. If gestation is not desired, it should be both almost free and very safe to do for 11-weeks.
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Electing to cease gestation, as a fundamental human right, requires women to be responsible and decide in a timely manner.
Curtis, you are a male, or so your name and picture would lead one to believe. If this is true, you will never become pregnant.
You will never have eclampsia, and nearly die without an abortion.
You will never have an ectopic pregnancy, which means a pregnancy in one of the fallopian tubes, and need to have major life threatening surgery to save your life.
You will never be diagnosed with breast cancer, while pregnant, and die or get treatment that would damage the fetus.
You will never have fetal demise, where the fetus dies and the decaying fetus would cause the woman to have a massive infection.
If you are raped, that rape will not result in a pregnancy. Yes, raped women do become pregnant, the “body does not shut everything down.” You will never be a thirteen year old whose uncle abused and raped her, or her step dad abused and raped her.
You will never be a poor woman whose contraception failed, and she cannot afford to lose time from work during her pregnancy or post partum time, as she needs to work to support her two or three other children.
You will never be carrying a fetus with an anomaly that would make life impossible outside the uterus, or it would need expensive, on going, medical and/or surgical interventions should that fetus be allowed to be born..
There are many reasons why a woman might choose to terminate a pregnancy. I have never had to make that choice, but will fight, until my dying day, for the right for any woman to make that choice.
In other words, if you do not have a uterus, you have no right to make decisions for those people who do have a uterus.
I love the quote from Germaine Greer, who said so eloquently, “If men could become pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.”
Very well and eloquently said, Carla. I agree 100%.
Hey, Curtis…
You’re well into your 50s now.
Still waiting for that hairless, obedient virgin to fall in love with you?
How’s that going?
I am responding as a middle aged, UM female. Some of you mentioned leaving your UM church because of their conservative views on abortion and LBGT rights. Our family has discussed leaving if the UM Conference becomes any more liberal than they already are! The Bible is very clear on these issues. I don’t understand as ministers how you can support abortion or LBGT rights. I believe you may be correct in stating you need to/have already/or been thinking about leaving the conference. Maybe it is time for a total career change as well.
What other areas of the Bible are the liberals looking at rewriting?
Sue, I respect the right for you to hold your opinions. However, you are speaking about what the Bible says regarding abortion and homosexuality. The Bible says nothing about abortion, and very little about homosexuality. Jesus speaks of neither issue.
The Hebrew Scriptures, however, do call the eating of shell fish, and pork an abomination. The same term is loosely linked with men lying with men. No mention of women lying with women. Why? Because at that time women and children were chattel, owned by their fathers, and if they married, they were owned by their husbands. Would you like to live by these rules.
Oh, how about those slacks or the skirt that you wore to work or to a restaurant? Are your garments made of two different types of threads?
There is much in the Bible that we choose to ignore, why do you and some others pick homosexuality? Abortion is never mentioned, although we know that in that time and place, reeds were often inserted into the uterus to induce an abortion. That is history, not in the Bible.
Why should someone who thinks differently from you “leave the conference or leave her/his profession?” Can’t we agree to disagree and go that “Third Way?” Why can we not allow those churches who have no issue with a LBGT minister, to have a LBGT minister. Why cannot conferences whose bishops choose to ordain LBGT pastors, do so? Why, if a cleric wishes to perform a marriage for two people of the same gender do so? None of these acts harm you, or anyone else. Someone else’s marriage does not jeopardize your marriage or way of life.
No one is asking or telling you to terminate a pregnancy if you do not wish to do so.
No one is asking you socialize with a LBGT couple or person, although, if you did you might find that they had the same interests that you have, in movies, or things to eat. You might find that other than being attracted to people of their own gender they are no different from you.
You might be surprised at the people you know who have LBGT relatives. Your doctor or the nurse who cared for your mother, or your child’s friend’s aunt, your letter carrier, one of them might be LBGT. .
You do not know who is LBGT, because they are just like the rest of us. No, they cannot be “transformed.” Could you be “transformed” into someone who is LBT? I know that I could not, I have been happily married to my husband for 57 years. However, as I have studied, and worked with all ethnic groups,nationalities, as well as people whose sexual orientation differed from mine, I have learned that most people are good, try to be kind to others and that the best people do not judge others.
I fall short on the “judgment” angle. I do tend to be a judgmental of those who discriminate, and wish to castigate others whom they have never met or really do not know, because of race, ethnicity, sexual or gender orientation. I am working at becoming less judgmental.