Reflections on my first experience reading the works of Marcus Borg, who passed away in January 2015.
The Gift
It was a hot July evening as I drove to my youth minister’s house to say goodbye.
I had received my call to ministry from the church I had attended in high school (Faith UMC, Tulsa, Oklahoma) and this youth minister was a huge part of that discernment process. Todd was leaving that church to serve in a ministry in North Carolina, and I was leaving that church soon to go study Religion at college. So we were both leaving the place where my faith was shaped.
As we talked, reminisced, and I cried a little, Todd gave me a book and said it would help me in my studies. I was half expecting a typical Dr. Seuss book Oh the Places You Will Go or some kitschy Cokesbury 12 Bible Studies for Graduates book. But this book was very plain, with ugly first-edition coloring, and a weird title.
Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time by Marcus J. Borg.
What? That makes no sense. How can you meet someone again for the first time? Was it about amnesia? Was it a memoir about remembering? And did I not really know Jesus–was I a bad Christian?
As I drove away, I tossed the book in the back seat and forgot about it like any non-sentimental teenager, more missing my friend and mentor than I was wanting to appreciate the gift.
The Inoculation
It would be a few days until I found the time to open it and read the book.
I remember highlighting a lot, asking questions in the margins, doing the diligent work I was supposed to for an academic work. It was super-interesting: made claims about Jesus I had never considered, pointed out contradictions I never saw, as Borg generally (and gently) introducing me to the study of the historical Jesus.
I don’t remember being blown away by the book or having a huge epiphany. But I do remember being interested and wanting to know more. I wanted to read more on how the Jesus I sang songs about, came to gradually know as I taught Bible studies at my church, was not depicted in a consistent biography but a composite from competing sources–and how archaeology gave us new imagery and insights into the culture of the time. I felt the sensation of doubt in my knowledge, but not enough that I was ready to throw up my hands and give up my life goals.
I don’t remember feeling the prick of the needle.
I don’t remember feeling the pain.
I don’t remember noticing that I had just received an inoculation for an epidemic that would sweep through my life and that would save me months and maybe years of grief.
The Epidemic
A month later, actually on my 19th birthday, I began my studies at Oklahoma City University, a United Methodist institution. I was studying Religion and we had a close-knit group of 15 majors who were starting out together. We would take classes on the Bible, theology, history, and ethics together (along with the upper classes and non-majors).
Over the course of the Fall (and the next Spring), I noticed something was happening to my friends that didn’t seem to be happening to me.
We studied the Bible and saw that there were two Creation stories, that Moses didn’t write the first five books of the Bible, that there were contradictions in the accounts of Jesus (especially between the synoptics and John). We read our history and saw the Imperial thumb on the Ecumenical Councils, the horrors of the Inquisition, the complicity during the Holocaust. We wrestled with how to make theological statements and ethical choices that had no easy answers.
Then the late nights started.
The late nights with friends who were crying, who were having crises of faith, who left a class unsure of what to believe, who tossed and turned in their sleep without clarity or comfort. Who went home to preach and felt a disconnect between their academic studies and the church that had enthusiastically sent them to college and expected them to never change.
Offering a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on was one of my roles with my circle of classmates and friends. I didn’t have any more answers than they did (far from the best student in the class), but I was a bit more steady and less “dealing with my own issues” and able to help offer caring presence for those going through a dark night of the soul.
There was a lot of this that first year, and there would be more with lower classes in the years to come.
Building Up Immunity
Over time, I realized that I wasn’t having the same crises of faith and heartfelt concerns of my peers.
While it could be that I was not connecting my heart and mind like I should be, I think I already had a taste of the doubt that would come in deconstructing faith during college (and later, seminary). A little bit of doubt in a manageable form allowed me to see doubt and complexity as companions on my studies, not challenges to my faith or self-image. This ease of comfort with doubt would become a constant aspect of my preaching and teaching style–indeed, this blog’s focus on hacking has elements of comfort with doubt and inquiry.
And I think I will always credit Marcus Borg with giving me that inoculation shot, with building up my immunity before I confronted the faith questions in a more intensive form, and giving me the ability to welcome doubt into my life without being overcome by it. It wasn’t just the book–I know that–but it felt like the shot that I needed to wade into a difficult world and emerge on the other side intact.
For the next decade, I would read, wrestle, disagree, and be transformed by Borg, Crossan, the Jesus Seminar, and other aspects of the historical Jesus movement during college, seminary, and continued education. The Heart of Christianity is one of my favorite texts. I cannot imagine how that group of scholars feel at the loss of their friend, but I can tell you, I feel like I lost a friend today.
And that book? I don’t have it anymore. I gave it to a Freshman when I was a Senior in that college–with my highlights and notes and all–it was even signed by Marcus Borg when I attended one of his lectures. Like the book given to me, such valuable knowledge and heartfelt care that seeped through the pages must be shared. I don’t miss that book–the best parts are already written in my heart.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Rest in peace, Dr. Borg.
Thanks for this. I took religious studies courses from him in college at Oregon State University. He was an important influence I my intellectual and spiritual life. This was long before he wrote the book you encountered, though. Glad he gave you a shot of intellectual curiosity.
Jesus was a mortal man who, like the rest of us, had been born of two parents, that he did not perform miracles, that any healings attributed to him were merely psychosomatic, that he did not die a substitutionary death, that he was not physically resurrected, and that the post-resurrection sightings of Jesus were merely visions.
If that is the vaccination I will stick with the disease.
Since this post is about doubt and the academic study of religion, I’m not sure how Borg’s conclusions (many of which i do not share) detract from what i took away from his writings.
However, to your point, if there was one author who i can point to and say crumbled Orthodoxy for me, it would be Borg. Just not for the reasons you point out.
I do not know what orthodoxy really means. Academic religious studies are over my head. I am an engineer. If you say it helped then fine. His writings are clearly not for me.
Reading the Bible again for the First Time and The Heart of Christianity changed my life and exponentially contributed to my spiritual growth as a person and as a Christian. I’m a better Christian for having read them. I’m thankful for his writing and his influence. Thank you for sharing your journey, Jeremy.
The many books by Marcus Borg and his talks I was privileged to hear in person gave this then 60 year old person a wake up call. He made me think, he seemed to give me permission to question, to wonder, to challenge the messages I had heard from the church and its messengers over the years. At first I felt angry and judged the church had not given me the option of using my intellect to decide for myself what I could believe—and still be a loved child of God. I give thanks to Borg for helping me see a new vision of God and Jesus, experiencing God in the thin places in life, of seeing Jesus as a lens through which we can view God. My faith has been invigorated and continues to be challenged but while once I felt it dying, it once again has been awakened and the search eagerly continues. Thanks, Marcus, for being there when I didn’t even know I needed your vision.